Please Lord, Not My Son

My heart, mind, body, and soul are screaming out right now.

I received the call today that no mama wants to get.....my baby boy is going to Iraq.

Even though he is old enough, he is still just a baby to me. He is the best daddy in the world and has just experienced having a son. His heart belongs to his little girl though, she thinks the sun rises and sets in her daddy. She is so much like him....full of life and into everything. You can't turn your head or she will be gone and into something.

I remember the day he was born... the doctors pronounced him dead. The cord was wrapped 3 times around his neck and in 2 knots. He was as blue as the color I am using to type this. He was a big baby, 9lbs 10 oz. The Anesthesiologist took him and said "let me try".... he shoved a tube down Jon's throat and sucked the fluid out of his lungs and spat it on the floor.... after the third time of doing this, Jonathan stiffened out and let out a squall that could be heard down the hall. That was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. He was placed in the nicu unit in case he had pneumonia from the fluid he had swallowed. Within 2 hrs, they were calling me on the phone asking me if they could bring him to me. He was hungry, screaming, and waking all of the little ones in the nicu. They called him "Little Brute"... He's been my baby all of his life and still fusses when he is hungry (which is all the time)...LOL

I have always felt because of his birth, God has a calling for Jon. He won't talk much about God, but I hope and pray he will find his way to Him soon.

He is the most tenderhearted of my children and so loving and kind. Always standing up for the underdog.

My mind still cannot conceive he is going to war and will be gone a year and a half.. I am still in shock. I look at him and see this little giggling blond haired blue eyed full of life boy....they look at him and see a man ready to defend his country.

It will do me no good to tell him "don't be a hero".... because I know deep in my heart that if the situation arises and he has a chance to save someone, he will, even at the expense of his life. That's the way he is. And I am so proud of him.

I will join the thousands of moms waiting to hear from their sons or daughters..... the long nights of crying, and wondering if he's hungry, or scared, or hurt....

I can tell you that I am not going to handle this very well, but I will pray daily and with God's help, I will lean on Him.

In His Love,

"Jonfanon" Jonathan's mommy

So, What Do You Do Now, Church?

My heart is heavy laden for a dear friend and brother in Christ.

I know what he is going through..... being blackballed, demoted by the same christians that shouted and cried with his music, and being labeled an outcast .

I am referring to the great musician/songwriter, Ray Boltz. I love this man and will continue to support him in his ministry.

How many of you have sang his songs, listened to the words and cried, and lifted your hands in praise while he ministered to your spirit?????

You will probably say "he has fallen from grace" , "he has given into Satan's powers" yada yada yada But the funny thing is, he was who he is all along, YOU just didn't know it. GOD DID and still blessed his music and talents.

How do you explain that? How do you judge that?

It's going to be funny to see the looks on some people's faces

when we all get to Heaven and you realize you are standing and praising the Blessed Prince of Peace, the Saviour of Sinners, the Everlasting Father, and the Lamb of God, right beside me and Ray Boltz........

You say that's not going to happen.... ok then I will take a chance and praise Him and worship Him while on this earth, and if I find out in the end that I was wrong, then I have enjoyed His presence here....

This very thing happened a few years ago with Mel.... (author of "Stranger at the Gate").... he had been high up and respected in many places in the church world......right beside Billy Graham at times.... Then BANG... a nobody in the church.....

My heart is hurting for Ray... and I am so angry at the church right now.... if you don't walk THEIR walk and talk THEIR talk, then you are out...no matter if you have been walking in the footsteps of Christ and doing His work faithfully and being blessed by the Holy Spirit through them...

WAKE UP.....

I love you all and will continue to work for the One that matters......

In His Precious Love,

K

PS Ray and I will see you in the Heavenly Choir.....

OK God, now you have my full attention !!!!!

Do you ever feel like you are on a continuous roller coaster????? That's how it felt yesterday.
The phone rings, and once again, the door has been slammed shut on San Francisco. The hospital went on strike and all temporary techs were sent packing.
This time, I didn't throw a fit, I did cry, not over losing San Fran, but over not having a job to go to.
The phone rings again, there a a couple of other jobs in the works, and they are both on the East Coast!!!!!!!! this would put us closer to mom and kids.
The one we think might come through is a temp to perm job in Harrisburg PA. We had been talking about settling in PA, and we feel such a peace over what has transpired.
Even the recruiter told Susan that undoubtedly something is going to happen in San Fran and she's not supposed to be there..... they have never had this happen before.
She is their top priority in the job search and a blanket email went out to all of the recruiters to find her a job. That's when Aaron called her about PA. He told her that when this job came open, she immediately came to mind, but he saw where she was contracted for CA. Aaron was our first person we dealt with when we signed up to travel.
God is good, God is in control, and He still moves mountains. We will just sit quietly, and wait on His leading..... oh yeah, we did tell them not to call us about CA anymore.....LOL Having the door slam shut twice was enough to get our attention.
I have felt like I needed to be near my mom for a few months now, and if that is where I need to be then God will open that door.
In His Love,
K

OK.......Now I feel like a dummy

It's a little hard to type when you are slinking away......
I have to admit, I failed the "Faith" test horribly.... I cried, got angry, questioned, and pouted... not very Christian like.....
When San Francisco was pulled, I went on a downward spiral, and was devastated.
We fly this Sat. to Wichita, KS (home) and today, we got the call that San Fran is a done deal and we fly there Aug. 18th for 3-6 months.... this gives us time to visit Micah's grandma and pa (Susan's parents), rearrange our clothing and stuff, and still get there before Micah starts school.
I wish I could visit mom and kids, but gas prices stop that....
Maybe after San Fran.......
I have had to do a lot of praying and asking God and my family for forgiveness for my attitude and weak faith.... have any of you had to do that?
Well, must pack... love to all of you...
K

ATTENTION!! ATTENTION!! TEST OF FAITH COMING UP !!!!!

OK !!OK!! Now comes the test of Faith.... we all cringe when we hear those words...(and don't try to tell me you don't...LOL)

We were all set to head to San Francisco in 2 weeks when Susan's job called and told us that the hospital there pulled the contract. Something about the guy there hadn't gotten final approval yet to issue a contract.

Sorry to say, my first reaction was one of shock, tears, and anger.... usually if we don't have something promising lined up, we save for a month in case we have to sit at home. Well, we had a signed contract so we didn't save... Pure fear hit me, and then the doubts and questions....

Then out of Susan's mouth came words I didn't want to hear.... "you know there is always a reason" and "God never closes a door that He doesn't open another one, He will provide".

I wanted to wallow in my self pity and anger for awhile, I wanted to lash out at her company, but mostly, I just wanted to cry and question....

So I don't know where this is leading, but we will see.... If He took away San Francisco, I can't wait to see what He has in store....

Forgive, Lord, my unbelief.... I am so glad we can go to Him and ask forgiveness for our stupidity.... :)

Will let you know what transpires...

In His Love,

K

Life Can Be Exciting if you just hold on

We just received some exciting news... we have traveled to various locations, from the smallest to some pretty good locations.... Pittsburg PA, Cambridge MN, Pendleton OR, and we are now in Phoenix AZ....... we really need to get this right... we should have been here in the winter and MN in the summer...LOL from 19 below zero to 114 in the shade... whew.. I am glad this is only a 4 week stint.. can't wait to leave here....
Susan got a call from her company the other day about our next assignment, and we both jumped around and laughed, cried, and hugs all around...
We are getting to go to San Francisco for 3-12 months... I can't imagine getting to live there, housing, car, utilities, etc taken care of... it is a chance of a lifetime... we are so excited... we will have a 2 bedroom apt so if ya want to visit, we will have room....LOL
Her job is at the UCSF hospital which is a teaching hospital with the latest technology.. she sill be able to learn so much more...
I said all of that to say this.... "be faithful in the small things and He will reward you with the big things."
San Fran is so expensive, there's no way we could go there for even 2 weeks on our own... $2500 a month for a studio apt, parking is $150 a week....... but through her job, we are able to experience this with Micah and he will be able to see a lot of things.... and do a lot of things... He is so funny.... here San Fran is such a culture of history....and he is super excited because at Pier 39 they have an arcade with over 100 games to choose from...LOL go figure......
I will keep you posted on the latest....
In His Love,
K, S, and M

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I have been thinking a lot lately about my father.... He was the perfect example of "unconditional love".... did he have a degree? no, did he have any formal training? no He was from the old school of "God wants me to preach and I am going to do it".....

Long before you were required to have a degree to preach, my father answered God's call. Now, those that knew my dad would think him and unlikely candidate to preach. He was an athlete, a rebel-rouser, and religion was part of his life growing up, but he wasn't grounded in it. Then he met my mom..... she was raised in a Bible Believing, Bible thumping , Running the aisles type of home. Was she grounded? no... as a matter of fact, much to her parents dismay, she wore makeup, attended dances, and as a matter of fact, she and dad were jitterbug king and queen all throughout high school.... They married, and dad worked as a Railroad apprentice, then moved into the pipefitting and plumbing business.

When dad was in his late 20's early 30's he hit the altar.... that's where the legacy begins.

He accepted the call to preach and he and mom sang.

Now this was before my time, so all I knew growing up was his unconditional love for people.

It didn't matter who you were or where you were with your life, my dad cared about you. He didn 't shove his religion down your throat, he lived it daily. Was he perfect? no...lol He had quite the stubborn streak. He may not like what you were doing, and he would tell you about it in a heartbeat, but never would he turn his back on you...

Have I ever seen my dad angry? of course I have... one instance stands out in my mind when I was a child....

I was probably 9 or 10, we lived in Marion, OH, and my best friend and I were walking around the block. Her house was on one corner and mine was on another corner. There was an alley that ran between it.

We noticed a man walking towards us with a long raincoat on. He stared at us and as we neared, he opened his coat and exposed himself to us. Now you have to realize at that age I didn't know what could happen, I just knew it wasn't right. He motioned for us to come near, but you should have seen the dust scattering as we ran as fast as we could.... Brenda's house was first, and I had to run around the block to the alley to get away from him.... I was screaming and crying as I hit the back porch, he was coming around the corner at me, but took off when he saw me get on the porch. My mom came running out to see what was wrong... Dad was coming down the steps inside when he heard me telling mom what happened... I have never seen my dad so livid... he tore out of that house at a dead run to find the guy that threatened his little girl... the police came, calmed my dad down, and said they had been looking for him. He was caught a few days later, but not before he had raped and killed another little girl.... It was a long time before my dad calmed down.

Me, I was fine.....until I got older and realized what could have happened....

Yes, I've seen my dad upset and angry, but not once in my life have I seen my dad not love me.

He loved his church people and was a true shepherd....

Seems like nowadays, preachers are more interested in getting their words right, typing their sermons out word for word so they sound just right, and not leaving any room for the spirit to work in a service... Have they gotten so much "book learning" that they haven't learned how to listen to the spirit? Give me a spirit filled, God hearing, shepherd any day over a flowery speech giving, articulate orator any day of the week.....

Now, I'm not saying you can't be spirit filled, God hearing, if you have a degree..... We just need to get back to the basics of soul-saving.... sell out to God, remove self, and let the spirit control...

I miss dad, he was one-of-a-kind..... and if you want to know what he was like, visit with my 3 nephews...they all have a part of him that can be seen.

Enough for now....

In His Love,

K

Be Not Afraid, For I Am With You

Well, the journey has begun in earnest now. Part of my family knows what I am doing. For those of you that wonder what I mean, it is very scary to step out against opposition, but I have the assurance that His Grace is sufficient for me. I am ready to face the battle.
I am not out to hurt anyone, especially my family. It concerns me that my brother and I have just gotten close again after a long time, and I love him and respect him for his life and especially for giving me 3 awesome nephews and a wonderful sister-in-law. I don't want to lose the closeness that we share. And my mom..... wow... what a change in our relationship.
Susan, Micah, and I got to stay with her this past year and it was wonderful. She loves Susan and Micah, and asks about them all the time.
I just know that I need to follow my Lord in what He is asking me to do. Whatever changes it brings in my life are ones that He will hold my hand through.
Something that I have noticed about the gay community is that they seem to think they are exempt form living a holy life. They live one way through the week and go to church on Sundays and act another way.... (by-the-way, this is not just the gay community....) It seems they have been lulled into a false sense of "saved" just because they have been so mistreated by the mainstream church. They have the attitude that "Poor me... I've been so mistreated.. I will go to heaven because God won't turn His back on me...." HOGWASH..... :)
I don't care who you are, what you are,(I hate labels), or where you are from, you are not exempt from living a holy life, acceptable by Christ, and only in and through Him are you safe.... it's time for someone to step out and let them know this.... MCC is ruining the struggling gay... their teachings are so far off base it makes me sick..., they want to exclude any songs or scripture referring to "blood" or change the scriptures to be any gender you want Him to be so as not to offend anyone....?????? What's with that???? that is so scary when you start changing the words in the Bible to suit your feelings. What a false sense of hope.... I want to reach out, in love and truth and spread the word that God is God, He doesn't expect us to live one way that is different from what He expects His other followers to live.
I want to address the Christian walk. Not the "gay" christian, or the "straight" christian, but the One and Only Way and that is by the blood of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
OK I am off of my soapbox now... LOL Have an awesome day......
In His Love,
Kris

Exactly What Did You Mean By That?

We have all had people tell us or ask us, "what are you going to be when you grow up"?
My family is still wondering...... I have had numerous carreers, whatever it took to raise my 3 children. Fast Food Manager, Hardware (my favorite), an EMT in ER/Trauma, and now pursuing a carreer that has been pounding in my spirit since my teenage years...
My family has a rich history in ministerial work, but being a woman, and then add a diverse lifestyle on top of that, has you being told "You can't do that". Sorry, it took me 35 years to realize God didn;t say that, man did. So I begin a hard journey in Christian Ministry, against the odds, against family beliefs, and on my own. If I am wrong, then it is up to God to tell me that in the end. My spirit leaps within me when I follow what He is telling me to do.
I know there are those out there that will ridicule and "preach at" me, so be it, bring it on... If you are attacking me, then you are leaving everyone else alone.
I am so in love with life and my Lord. He is so Awesome, and never lets you down. If you are going through a hard time, hang on, He is there.