Sometimes life isn't what you thought it would be.... sometimes it slips up on you and knocks you flat on your back...
I talked with Jonathan tonight and he leaves at 4:30am the 2nd of Jan. to return to Virginia to get ready to deploy... The fear that grips my heart is almost unbearable. I wish I knew another mom that has gone through this.
I feel angry that I am stuck out here and not able to see him, touch him, hug and kiss him.. it's so not fair. I resent the fact that I have to be here because of a stupid travel contract. I hate traveling. I am so glad 2009 is here because it's the last travel job.
I just need someone that cares about what I am going through... I need a shoulder to cry on and an ear that will let me vent and not take anything personally. I feel like I am about to explode inside.
I have been through so many changes this past year and some of them might not have been such a good idea. It might blow up in my face. Then I'm stuck with the changes, but not the benefits.
I just want to return to a normal life for me. I want to get a job, settle in one place, have all of our stuff out of storage and be closer to my family. I will accomplish this one way or another.
Promises are made, promises are broken, people pretend to care as long as things are going like they think it should go... but if YOU have a rough spot, then it's all been pretend on their part and you are left going through your struggle alone...
Can't wait to see what happens next...
See ya on the flip side.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
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