Wednesday, September 23, 2009
You see, she had felt the calling of the Lord her whole life. Her family had strong spiritual ties to the Lord.
She had tried to follow in these footsteps and was uplifted, encouraged, and edified...until the people who professed to love her found out that she had what some might call a birth defect, a choice had been made for her and and she was the say she was and when she tried to do something about it, the pain was unbearable. She had to make a choice to be who she was and not try to change it or hide it anymore. The door that had been open to her was slammed in her face. So she walked away from God.
For years He pursued her, hounded her, nagged her, touched her, and talked to her through every available avenue. The Lord loved her and had called her and was not going to give up. He knew how He had created her. He wanted her this way. He knew the gifts He had placed in her and He knew the wonderful powerful woman of God that she would become.
One day she decided, and yelled back at Him, "OK, I'll try it one more time, Fine! I'll find a church and go. OK! Leave me alone!"
She got up the courage and went, she was welcomed. These people seemed to be different. She went back again and was still welcomed. Sunday after Sunday, she walked through those doors. She got to know people But most of all, she started to allow herself to feel the desires she had felt before, the desire to serve, the desire to go and pray for the sick. She said in her heart, "Ok Lord, I'll do it, I'll listen to you, I'll do your will, I will serve you... The church had become a safe haven for er. And the best thing, they saw her birth defect, and loved her anyway.
Time went by, she learned more and more about how to listen to the Lord. He showered His love upon her. He had her just where He wanted her. He would draw close to her and she would not run from Him and this pleased Him. He desire to show her the wondrous ways He wanted to use her. To Him, she was a beautiful rare flower of great value.
One day, she felt the call on her life to serve Him in the church in a special manner. She said nothing, she prayed and prayed. The Lord confirmed it many times in many ways. Finally she said "Yes Lord, I will serve you in this way." She went to the pastor and people who had uplifted, encouraged, loved, and prayed for her and told them of the call of the Lord. To her amazement, they said no. The people who had once supported her now judged her and told her she couldn't. She bowed her head and left. Her heart was broken. Her spirit was crushed. Where she had felt certainty, she now felt doubt. She fell oner face before the Lord, and she questioned Him, she yelled at Him, she wailed to Him, she crumbled before him, and at His feet she melted. He knelt down and said to her, "My child, my sweet sweet child, I believe in you." Then.....He stood up... and went to talk to the church.
The phone rang. When she answered, she heard the shaky voice of her beloved daughter. Her Doctor was sending her to the ER of a local hospital. The miracle child she was carrying had not moved within her for a few days. "Mom, she cried, Your Church has prayed for me before, mom, call your church and have them pray...please mommy, call them!" Her heart broke again. When she hung up, she closed her eyes and she saw the look on the faces of the people who had broken her heart and judged her. She began to weep again and she prayed "Lord, who do I call for prayer?".............
Monday, August 10, 2009
This was taken right before we took Jonathan to Fort Bragg to deploy. We are looking forward to seeing him again this month. Its so hard to believe he is in Baghdad.... I am so proud of him. (but then, I was proud of him before).
Kayla has done a wonderful job keeping the homefront intact and has been working hard fixing it up while Jon is gone. I can't wait to see it.
Please keep him in your prayers.
In His Love,
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
My precious mother had been asking us to come home to her.. she needed us nearby. I wasn't sure about this, as in earlier life, our relationship was not the best. I was always daddy's girl and rebeled against my mom's strictness.
After dad died, I was so lost, but began to build a relationship with my mom.. I still rebeled against her telling me what time I should be home in my own house...LOL. We became close, but she was still very distant with anyone I was with. Never including them in any holidays or get togethers. It was very stressful for me.
I moved away to Kansas, and she moved to North Carolina. I visited as often as I could, and I missed her terribly. I met Susan and we began traveling..... after our first job in Pittsburg we ended up staying with her for 3 months. She fell in love with Susan and Micah, and ever since then, has wanted us to come there to live.
I felt this was the right thing to do, but didn't want to take Susan away from her family in Kansas. She kept telling me we needed to go to NC and I kept telling her we needed to settle half way between.
I had been working on my resume and searching for jobs. I had talked with my best friend Terri, who is in Management with Motel 6, and she urged me to apply. With the economy, I was really worried.
After 6 weeks of battling with the location, and without a job lined up, we decided that God was leading us to NC.
Once we made that decision, the doors began to swing open. Mom wanted us to just stay with her and look for jobs and then get a place to live. Instead, God opened an apartment across the road from her... OK now we had a place to live, close to mom, and now I wanted a job where I could support my family and Susan could take a break and stay home with Micah. (Unknown to me, God had already revealed to Susan that this was going to happen)LOL
It got down to 2 weeks before we leave, and I had put out numerous resume's, and nothing. I was really beginning to sweat. During that last 2 weeks I had a reoccuring dream and it invaded my daily thoughts as well. I was going to be at Motel 6 in an upper mgmt position. This was so my dream, but I hadn't heard anything back since I sent my resume 2 months ago. It's now Firday, 1 week before we leave and the phone rings...its Motel 6.. they have two positions they would like me to look at and choose. One was a Gen Manager in Pinehurst NC (too far from mom) and the other was a Relief Manager for the State of NC. I told her I was definately interested in the RM position as it was 3 days away and 4 days home.
She said she would set up an interview with the Dist. Mgr. in NC after I got there, and then I would also have a phone interview. I was excited and knew it would happen in NC.
Then, I got a phone call today, (Wed.) and it was my phone interview... it went wonderfully and ended so positive. (He's a NC boy...LOL) Raised in Salisbury. (I'm not sure I spelled that right)
I learn on a daily basis to Lean on the Lord and trust in Him. He opened the doors at just the right time.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
I talked with Jonathan tonight and he leaves at 4:30am the 2nd of Jan. to return to Virginia to get ready to deploy... The fear that grips my heart is almost unbearable. I wish I knew another mom that has gone through this.
I feel angry that I am stuck out here and not able to see him, touch him, hug and kiss him.. it's so not fair. I resent the fact that I have to be here because of a stupid travel contract. I hate traveling. I am so glad 2009 is here because it's the last travel job.
I just need someone that cares about what I am going through... I need a shoulder to cry on and an ear that will let me vent and not take anything personally. I feel like I am about to explode inside.
I have been through so many changes this past year and some of them might not have been such a good idea. It might blow up in my face. Then I'm stuck with the changes, but not the benefits.
I just want to return to a normal life for me. I want to get a job, settle in one place, have all of our stuff out of storage and be closer to my family. I will accomplish this one way or another.
Promises are made, promises are broken, people pretend to care as long as things are going like they think it should go... but if YOU have a rough spot, then it's all been pretend on their part and you are left going through your struggle alone...
Can't wait to see what happens next...
See ya on the flip side.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
My heart is heavy laden for a dear friend and brother in Christ.
I know what he is going through..... being blackballed, demoted by the same christians that shouted and cried with his music, and being labeled an outcast .
I am referring to the great musician/songwriter, Ray Boltz. I love this man and will continue to support him in his ministry.
How many of you have sang his songs, listened to the words and cried, and lifted your hands in praise while he ministered to your spirit?????
You will probably say "he has fallen from grace" , "he has given into Satan's powers" yada yada yada But the funny thing is, he was who he is all along, YOU just didn't know it. GOD DID and still blessed his music and talents.
How do you explain that? How do you judge that?
It's going to be funny to see the looks on some people's faces
when we all get to Heaven and you realize you are standing and praising the Blessed Prince of Peace, the Saviour of Sinners, the Everlasting Father, and the Lamb of God, right beside me and Ray Boltz........
You say that's not going to happen.... ok then I will take a chance and praise Him and worship Him while on this earth, and if I find out in the end that I was wrong, then I have enjoyed His presence here....
This very thing happened a few years ago with Mel.... (author of "Stranger at the Gate").... he had been high up and respected in many places in the church world......right beside Billy Graham at times.... Then BANG... a nobody in the church.....
My heart is hurting for Ray... and I am so angry at the church right now.... if you don't walk THEIR walk and talk THEIR talk, then you are out...no matter if you have been walking in the footsteps of Christ and doing His work faithfully and being blessed by the Holy Spirit through them...
I love you all and will continue to work for the One that matters......
In His Precious Love,
PS Ray and I will see you in the Heavenly Choir.....
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The phone rings, and once again, the door has been slammed shut on San Francisco. The hospital went on strike and all temporary techs were sent packing.
This time, I didn't throw a fit, I did cry, not over losing San Fran, but over not having a job to go to.
The phone rings again, there a a couple of other jobs in the works, and they are both on the East Coast!!!!!!!! this would put us closer to mom and kids.
The one we think might come through is a temp to perm job in Harrisburg PA. We had been talking about settling in PA, and we feel such a peace over what has transpired.
Even the recruiter told Susan that undoubtedly something is going to happen in San Fran and she's not supposed to be there..... they have never had this happen before.
She is their top priority in the job search and a blanket email went out to all of the recruiters to find her a job. That's when Aaron called her about PA. He told her that when this job came open, she immediately came to mind, but he saw where she was contracted for CA. Aaron was our first person we dealt with when we signed up to travel.
God is good, God is in control, and He still moves mountains. We will just sit quietly, and wait on His leading..... oh yeah, we did tell them not to call us about CA anymore.....LOL Having the door slam shut twice was enough to get our attention.
I have felt like I needed to be near my mom for a few months now, and if that is where I need to be then God will open that door.
In His Love,