Please Lord, Not My Son

My heart, mind, body, and soul are screaming out right now.

I received the call today that no mama wants to get.....my baby boy is going to Iraq.

Even though he is old enough, he is still just a baby to me. He is the best daddy in the world and has just experienced having a son. His heart belongs to his little girl though, she thinks the sun rises and sets in her daddy. She is so much like him....full of life and into everything. You can't turn your head or she will be gone and into something.

I remember the day he was born... the doctors pronounced him dead. The cord was wrapped 3 times around his neck and in 2 knots. He was as blue as the color I am using to type this. He was a big baby, 9lbs 10 oz. The Anesthesiologist took him and said "let me try".... he shoved a tube down Jon's throat and sucked the fluid out of his lungs and spat it on the floor.... after the third time of doing this, Jonathan stiffened out and let out a squall that could be heard down the hall. That was the sweetest sound I had ever heard. He was placed in the nicu unit in case he had pneumonia from the fluid he had swallowed. Within 2 hrs, they were calling me on the phone asking me if they could bring him to me. He was hungry, screaming, and waking all of the little ones in the nicu. They called him "Little Brute"... He's been my baby all of his life and still fusses when he is hungry (which is all the time)...LOL

I have always felt because of his birth, God has a calling for Jon. He won't talk much about God, but I hope and pray he will find his way to Him soon.

He is the most tenderhearted of my children and so loving and kind. Always standing up for the underdog.

My mind still cannot conceive he is going to war and will be gone a year and a half.. I am still in shock. I look at him and see this little giggling blond haired blue eyed full of life boy....they look at him and see a man ready to defend his country.

It will do me no good to tell him "don't be a hero".... because I know deep in my heart that if the situation arises and he has a chance to save someone, he will, even at the expense of his life. That's the way he is. And I am so proud of him.

I will join the thousands of moms waiting to hear from their sons or daughters..... the long nights of crying, and wondering if he's hungry, or scared, or hurt....

I can tell you that I am not going to handle this very well, but I will pray daily and with God's help, I will lean on Him.

In His Love,

"Jonfanon" Jonathan's mommy

So, What Do You Do Now, Church?

My heart is heavy laden for a dear friend and brother in Christ.

I know what he is going through..... being blackballed, demoted by the same christians that shouted and cried with his music, and being labeled an outcast .

I am referring to the great musician/songwriter, Ray Boltz. I love this man and will continue to support him in his ministry.

How many of you have sang his songs, listened to the words and cried, and lifted your hands in praise while he ministered to your spirit?????

You will probably say "he has fallen from grace" , "he has given into Satan's powers" yada yada yada But the funny thing is, he was who he is all along, YOU just didn't know it. GOD DID and still blessed his music and talents.

How do you explain that? How do you judge that?

It's going to be funny to see the looks on some people's faces

when we all get to Heaven and you realize you are standing and praising the Blessed Prince of Peace, the Saviour of Sinners, the Everlasting Father, and the Lamb of God, right beside me and Ray Boltz........

You say that's not going to happen.... ok then I will take a chance and praise Him and worship Him while on this earth, and if I find out in the end that I was wrong, then I have enjoyed His presence here....

This very thing happened a few years ago with Mel.... (author of "Stranger at the Gate").... he had been high up and respected in many places in the church world......right beside Billy Graham at times.... Then BANG... a nobody in the church.....

My heart is hurting for Ray... and I am so angry at the church right now.... if you don't walk THEIR walk and talk THEIR talk, then you are out...no matter if you have been walking in the footsteps of Christ and doing His work faithfully and being blessed by the Holy Spirit through them...

WAKE UP.....

I love you all and will continue to work for the One that matters......

In His Precious Love,

K

PS Ray and I will see you in the Heavenly Choir.....